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   The claim is often made that Dwagons are "cookie thieves".   Is this true?

    It depends on your point of view:  are you the cookie owner or the dwagon?   In a dwagon's eyes, in order for it to be a cookie thief the cookie would have to be "not theirs"... which to a dwagon means the cookie is either in someone's hand or mouth, one of the two.  If it's in a hand it needs to be no where near a dwagon's mouth or it might be mistaken as an offering.   And dwagons have been known to carefully watch a cookie as it approaches someone's mouth-- in case that person changes their mind and decides the dwagon wants it more.  (Hope springs eternal.)

   All other cookies are fair game so to speak.  This includes cookies in pockets because... why would someone put a cookie in a pocket if it wasn't for a dwagon to sniff and find it?  To a dwagon, that's just part of the game.   As Eldar Wayfinder Wishbringer once wisely said, "Common sense should prevail.  If you lay a cookie on a table when a dwagon is around, it ceases being your cookie."

   To simplify the matter:  dwagon's don't view cookies has having "owners".  They either have eaters or non-eaters, and if a cookie isn't being eaten it is obviously waiting for an eater.   That's how things are.  For a dwagon to "steal" a cookie they would literally have to remove it from between your teeth... and of course they are far too polite to do such a thing.

ON PLAYING GAMES

   Dwagon honesty has been additionally challenged when it comes to playing games.   But when it comes to games Dwagons consider there are two ways to play:  by the rules or abandon all rules.  If it's "abandon all rules" then all is fair in luvs and wars (including using Nuclear Rocket Launchers in a fantasy role playing campaign). 

   However if the game is "by the rules" (such as chess) then a dwagon will play very much by the rules.  In such case their are two questions:

    1)  Is there a rule directing this game move?

    2)  Is there a rule against this game move?

   

   It is the second question which often causes other people problems when playing games with dwagons.

   As an example:  when playing chess, a dwagon would easily recognize the ultimate goal of the game is to win.   That means keeping one's eyes on the board.  If the opponent doesn't keep his/her eyes on the board, then we get to item #2 above:   Is there a rule against making a move when your opponent is distracted?    Dwagons have thoroughly researched Chess rule books and have been unable to find a place where it says, "You cannot make an extra move if your opponent is distracted."  So according to a dwagon, "is legal".

   "Oh looka dat, is dat a red-headed woodpecker?"  /move  "Nebermind.  It flied away..." is a perfectly legitimate chess strategy in the dual-mind of a dwagon.

THE DUAL BRAIN ISSUE

    As many are already aware, dwagons have two brains (like the dinosaurs, to which they insist they are not related... except for maybe the Tyronosaurus Rex.  RAWR).  These two brains work in complete harmony, except when they don't. 

    The larger "hiney brain" (as dwagons call it) handles functional issues such as walking, heartbeat, breathing, etc.  It also handles genetic memory, which is part of the dwagon's greatest strengths.   Dwagons inherit vast genetic memory from their parents, which means from the moment they're born they can walk, speak, and of course eat cookies.  They have a vast storehouse of dwagonny knowledge.  Unfortunately however, they do not likewise inherit genetic experience or common sense, so they generally know how to do things but can seldom foresee the consequences of actually doing them.

   They also do not inherit a conscience as we know it.  They do inherit a kind of conscience, which is basically an either-or situation: will this be fun or not fun?  Will it be tasty or bleh?   That is pretty much the limit of dwagon choice-making.

    As with most young, intelligent species, ethical conscience has to be learned with time.  Naturally, once they become adults there are good dragons and bad dragons, depending largely on their parents, environment and experiences. Despite the claims made by some highly inaccurate games, dragon "alignment" does not depend on their color or bodily form-- but rather on whether people have been nice to them or not nice during the 500 years or so it takes them to reach adulthood.   It can be understood that dragons often experience no little degree of species profiling as they are growing up... so they tend to grow a bit meaner as they get older unless they have friends to guide them along their way.  This is why Elves, Fae, Pixies and Wizards can be good friends for dragons (and vice versa), since they are long-lived and can be a regular good influence.

    Fortunately (for just about every other species on the planet) dwagons do inherit basic politeness and playfulness.  So at least they start out being friendly and tolerable rather than complete sociopaths.  This is of great relief to the aforementioned Elves, Fae, Pixies and Wizards.

   But then we get to the other brain... the much smaller but highly-intelligent "noodle brain" (in their head).  That brain serves two basic purposes:   1) Eating and 2) Curiosity.   Ordinarily this is fine... except when the noodle brain overrides the hiney brain and common sense flies right out the window.  This is what causes dwagons to do things other species would think totally insane-- such as riding on ceiling fans or appropriating "rums" from a nearby tavern (again:  no one is drinking the rum at the time).  Fortunately for them, dwagons are nearly indestructible and can survive most things their noodle brain gets them in to.

   That brain is also what causes dwagons to hunt cookies.  Their intensely keen sense of smell makes them exceptionally fine cookie hunters, be the cookies in a pocket or an underground cellar.  Because of this many shopkeepers have specially locked store rooms where they keep sweets and-- if they know dwagons well-- is also where they store rum kegs and grains for a beverage known as "kawfee".   It is not a wise thing to allow dwagons to drink kawfee.

CAN DWAGONS GET DRUNK?

   It was mentioned above that dwagons love rums (it's "nahmy").  This begs the question, "Can dwagons get drunk?"  In a word, no.   Their fiery metabolic insides pretty much vaporize all alcohol as soon as it hits their tummies.  Thus to the vast consternation of pub owners, dwagons can drink an amazing amount of rum. 

   However, the fumes from the drink as they consume it goes straight to the noodle brain, having the results of 1) Making the dwagon even more curious than normal  2) Making the dwagon a little more hyper than normal  and 3) Giving them the desire to be very helpful (or dance, tell jokes and riddles, or ask very strange questions... depending on the circumstance).   In the past, their "helpfulness" has caused great upset to pub owners as dwagons have assisted in rearranging bottles behind the bar according to the color of the labels (switching labels if necessary), pour half-left drinks back into kegs after the patrons have gone (waste not... more rums!), or make sure all the carefully-sealed bottles of wine are actually full (by opening them and checking, of course). 

   But no, dwagons cannot get drunk as we know it and cannot pass out from drinking too much... a fact which some pub owners deeply regret. 

   These are just a few trivial facts of dwagon life that may be of interest to those who study such things.  I doubt any questions above have been answered sufficiently... but perhaps the information above will help one be more aware of the thought-processes of dwagons so you can be better prepared for them whenever they decide to visit. 

--o--

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Comment by Cinnamon Raymaker on January 10, 2016 at 10:54pm

/me is crying from laughing soooo much!

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